I know I am blowing the dust off of this blog, but maybe because the need to journal has lessened. My sadness is not as forceful, but there are moments when it just hits me over the head. Today, its been one year since I was called to my Dad's home and told he had left us for his journey with God. I still can relive those moments and they still can make me cry because I hurt for the words I never got to say, and for the last "I love you" he never got to hear.
Today was easier than I thought but he is not forgotten, just a part of my everyday prayers and conversations so that its not as much hurt. The loss of my father has given me perspective on family that I had lost over the years. . . .how many cousins I have who loved my Dad for who he was and who he became in his later years. We all hope to grow and improve with time, but I have to say he did it. His faith and empathy grew, and his ability to see more was there.
Last night I did have a dream about him, kind of fitting that he was coming back from a trip and we were going to go to the airport to pick him up. I asked him, over the phone, if he could stay at our house because his wasn't available. (maybe because its not his anymore!!). It was a bits and pieces kind of dream but one that involved caring for him, travels somewhere, and not having what he once did. A little more study of it would probably mean something, but I think I will just take it as a brief visit into my mind for today.
We are heading to dinner at Max and Erma's a place we took him often and ate with my brothers as well. I think we will try to ascend the hill to his grave first, but it may depend on mud, snow or ice on that dirt road. Either way, he is in our hearts across the country. Miss you Dad.
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